My grandmother never made Scottish oats

I'm eating a bowl of Scottish-style oatmeal (I don't know what exactly makes it Scottish, so don't ask!) for my mid-morning meal (I'm working really hard to eat six small meals a day, but so far all I've managed is to eat six large meals a day, which is not helping my weight go down). The oatmeal is good, and all, but here's the thing:

The ... cylinder ... it comes it says "Like Grandma Used To Make". But my grandmother never made Scottish Oats. In fact, I don't think I ever saw my grandmother make "American" oats. So, what does this slogan mean for me??

All it really does is conjure up creepy images of chubby little old ladies with vaguely Scottish accents poodle-ing around a dimly lit kitchen stirring giant vats of thick oatmeal.

My grandmother did make cream of wheat though. I have some cream of wheat. The box (that comes in a box, not a cylinder -- I don't know why oatmeal comes in cylinders -- does anybody know? Leave a comment if you figure it out.) for that says -- get ready for it -- "Just Like Mother Used To Make".

What the fuck??

Ok, so maybe my mother did make cream of wheat once in a while, but my grandmother definitely had it more often. How do these bastards who churn out food products decide which relative cooked what foods? Do they do some kind of survey or poll? Am I the screwed up one (again!)? Maybe my mother was supposed to make cream of wheat and my grandmother was supposed to be the one making Scottish oatmeal! Is my family a failure? Did we miss out on the great traditional roles of breakfast making? HOW CAN I RECLAIM MY BROKEN CHILDHOOD?!

::quiet sobbing::